Let me just start out by saying., I know I was pretty much MIA in 2016. I’m just going to give whoever is reading this a run down/ update about what life has had in store for good ole’ Linds (me).
(Let me just add that I originally was going to do a short, brief update on life annnd all of a sudden I spit out 5 pages of truth. Word. Have fun, good luck. You’ve been warned.
Let’s get started….
It’s a little difficult to write this blog trying to keep in mind that people that have followed my whole journey up until now and people that have only known me and followed me for less than a year will be reading, too.
This is going to be a mess, so bare with me.. I mean, if you have any questions, please ask!
So…. Where do I start?
For those who DON’T know, my journey to getting to this point has been ongoing my whole life – I’ve always loved taking pictures and videos of anything and everything since I was young. I have all of the awful pictures before puberty on Facebook to prove it, the ‘On This Day’ addition to Facebook is my worst nightmare.
Anyways, I’d say I officially ‘pursued’ this hobby when I was 16 and able to drive to the people that contacted me to ‘hire’ me (I don’t remember for sure, but I think I charged like $30.00 total for the longest time. I think I doubled it every year.) . Looking back, God Bless you all. You are all so beautiful inside and out for believing in me no matter how many bad editing trends I went through.(Haha) You live and you learn. I can’t even stand to look at some of my first photoshoots – NOT because of the people I photographed but because I knew absolutely nothing. And it showed!
There is a very special place in my heart for my first handful of clients who did nothing but support the crap out of me, you guys are saints. Trusting a 16-18 year old with no experience to take mediocre (at best) photos of them and never EVER complaining or pointing out that I REALLY didn’t know what I was doing.. Regardless of what I think of my work, past or present, I am very blessed to say I wouldn’t be where I am today had my little community not seen the love, passion and drive I had to practice and get better and make this my life. By choosing me to capture your memories and milestones you kept me motivated to work hard for what I want. Success and happiness – together, at the same time.
So thank you.
Alright.. So throughout high school I was contacted every now and then to take pictures. I knew I wasn’t the best, but the excitement in me whenever I was contacted wouldn’t let me ever doubt myself. Some photographers in the area might have seen my work and laughed while a few awesome ladies/photographers were always willing to answer my questions and help me whenever I needed. I’m sure plenty of people criticized me behind a screen – but I never really cared about what others might say. I made a fool of myself a number of times, but I did it proudly. I always kept in mind that the more I practice, the closer I’d get to being the photographer that I am still dreaming to be. Everyone starts somewhere.
By my junior year I had decided I wanted to make this a lifetime thing. The rush is unexplainable. The power to capture some of life’s most precious moments is priceless and I can honestly say that in the last 4 years this passion of mine that fuels a fire in me, has never been about money. I’ve been told my business will not succeed, I’ve been told that a photographers salary will limit my future and probably some other bullshit that isn’t worth remembering. (Excuse my French) But none of it ever phased me, no dollar amount compares to the look on someone’s face when you captured a money shot that they’ll cherish forever. AND above all, no matter who it is or the relationship you have with them, don't let anyone doubt you and get away with it.
So now it’s 2015 and I moved to Willmar to attend the Professional Photography Program at Ridgewater College. Finally! Let me just say, going to college was the best decision I’ve ever made. I have never been a school person. I’ve never really enjoyed it, I don’t like being told to do things that don’t interest me. Typical, right? I’ve just learned that its very hard for me to be interested or act interested in something that I just don’t enjoy. My high school teachers can back me up on that and now my college professors can, too. Its almost comical to me, I truly thought that going to school for photography would be the easiest thing because I already love it so much. Wrong. Turns out I just really don’t like school. I guess I need to keep in mind that since moving to Willmar, my personal life has been a wild… WILD ride. I don’t really like rides so you can probably guess how I’ve handled it.
In the last two years I’ve experienced many different situations, emotions, obstacles and a whole lot of change. I would say that I as a person have changed in every single aspect of my life… and I love it. I learn more about myself everyday and it really is the coolest thing ever to really get to know yourself. That may sound silly but that’s the only way I can explain it.
It’s just little things like realizing why my mom and I fought like sisters all through high school, because I’m a damn replica of the woman I always hoped to be nothing like. Now I realize I’ve got big shoes to fill. I pray to be even half the woman she is someday. I’ve realized what matters most to me day to day and I am very happy with the person that I am slowly becoming. I am finding what my photography style is and eagerly pursuing every opportunity given to me, there’s been too many opportunities that I’ve talked myself out of.. No more of that nonsense on my watch.
The year that has blown my mind from start to finish. Brace yourselves.
Speaking of my mom, she was diagnosed with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer in April. I’m already sobbing and I have only stated a fact (Nothing some kitty cuddles can’t cure). First of all, my mom told me the news in a text while I was getting my nails done – I’m still uncomfortable thinking of how uncomfortable I probably made my nail artist when covering my hands in boogers and tears while she frantically finished. Thanks, mom!
Well.. There’s not many good things to say about this unfortunate disease, besides that I am not only happy but so SO proud to say that she is still fighting hard and only getting stronger, I know she’s going to leave this stupid cancer thing in 2017. I will keep you all updated. The amount of support my mom and family have been shown in 2016 is almost hard to believe. We appreciate every kind word and prayer. If you’ve been one to keep her in your thoughts, thank you x1000000.
Okay, so. This is a little personal.
As you could imagine, my mom’s health threw my life for a loop. The depression and anxiety I have experienced this year has been crippling. And it’s weird because I’ve always believed that ‘it’s all in your head’ and I never thought of a mental illness worsening. Just wasn't something I ever thought about I guess.
I took some medication when I was young for depression but the last few years I was trying to avoid using ANY kind of medication – not even advil. I wanted to prove to myself that 1. I don’t need unnatural things to fix me and 2. Mental power over my body.
Long story short, I was against getting on any medications because I have a very healthy mind. But I was, again, listening and paying attention to my body and its patterns and I came to the conclusion that my anxiety has gotten noticeably worse to the point where I feel like my body is attacking me and I was losing control of my health. I used to be terrified of vomiting and now it’s a pretty regular occurrence because of anxiety attacks.
It was affecting my life, my schooling and the new relationships I was making in college. I am finding ways to deal with it better and thankfully in the last few months I feel like myself again. I have my weird personality back and sense of humor and I’m happy with the people that I am realizing are the people I need in my life. I have a job ( The Oaks ) that I love and at this point, I can’t leave because it is such a positive in my life. It took me FOREVER to come out of my shell at The Oaks, it was really fancy compared to what I was used to and I was really shy and almost afraid to let anyone get to know me.
Now we’re getting sentimental…. I can’t help it.
I went from sharing nothing with anyone to somehow feeling like I can’t live without my oaks family all within the last few months. I’m not sure what it took to finally show these people the non-resting-bitch-face-Lindsey but I wish it would’ve happened a long time ago. I have made friendships with incredible people that are irreplaceable. I really don’t think any of them know how important they really are to me, so if any of you are reading this… thank you. I feel extremely cheesy even to think to let you know you’ve all changed my life… But you all have in ways big and small. I don’t give many people the chance to impact my life but I have had no choice. My bosses, managers, coworkers, cooks, dishwashers..etc. Everyone has grown on me. I hope everyone meets people in their lives that make them feel the way I feel when I’m at work. Because days like yesterday (New Years Eve) I truly didn’t want the night to end and to feel that way about a job, it’d be stupid for me to leave. Some people may think it’s just a job and I’m a creep that’s obsessed with her coworkers but the happiness and joy these people have helped put back into my life is something I can’t explain or ever thank them enough for. The best part is I bet none of them even realized how much of a difference they were making on some of the hardest days. I think they were just so patient with me and didn't make me talk about things they knew were going on, just always made sure i knew they were there if ever needed. Some of my best memories of 2016 have taken place in that restaurant and it has become a place that I really care about and appreciate. I worked from 3pm to 3am on New Years Eve and although I know some of them think I’m completely crazy, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
Wow, that was deep.
That being said – SURPRISE!!
I am looking for places to live in the Willmar area. Trust me, I never would’ve guessed I’d want to stay in Willmar after college. But sometimes you have to forget about that big plan in your head and listen to your heart.
If I was on track with the plan I’ve had in my head for the last couple of years I’d be moving to Minneapolis and more than likely hating it because A) I don’t feel financially comfortable to live in the city independently yet. B) I don’t have a reason to move there besides wanting to eventually live in a big city. C) I got insanely lucky and I can’t leave my job at The Oaks. Not yet. It took me months to build up the courage to apply and then months to adjust and now, as you can see, its more than just a source of income.
I feel so good about my decision and I’m excited to see what else I learn about life, love, and most importantly ME. I’m almost impatient to see what I accomplish in my business this year and I’m absolutely thrilled to meet more amazing couples and seniors and do what I love most. I’m looking at studio spaces and preparing new surprises for my 2017 clients and I’m looking forward to just enjoying life with great company, I don’t want to worry about what’s next for awhile, I want to see what happens when I don’t plan every step of my life like the maniac that I am.
Let’s wrap things up….
2016 wasn’t my year. It was in fact a very, very rough one. But my heart is still so full and I have so many reasons to be stupidly happy with my life. I finished 2016 strong and I am so ready to welcome 2017, I hope she’s good to me. I have a really good feeling about this year. NO ONE JINX ME!
Alright, guys and gals. Ladies and gents. If you’re still reading this, you’re crazy, but the kind of crazy that I appreciate. I know this blog contains tons of rambling and information that you may or may not give a hoot about but hey… this is my life.
This is the 411.
Whoever you may be and whatever our relationship is, I hope you accomplish everything you want to accomplish and so much more this year. Remember to appreciate every day you’re given whether it’s good or bad. Remind the ones you love just how much you love them. Laugh as much as you can, do what sets your soul on fire and enjoy this crazy life because it’s probably only going to get crazier.
I’ve got a long list of goals for 2017 that I’m anxious to reach. Stay tuned for the next blog where I’ll tell you a little about those and probably ramble even more. Yay!
P.S. I promise never to write a blog this long again, there was just too much to tell.
Disclaimer: The last thing I want anyone to think is that I wrote this blog and shared a scary amount of personal information to receive any sympathy or to excuse my lack of presence and content for Lindsey Kulseth Photography this year. This was really refreshing to reflect on the year and realize that no matter what I went through or what any of you went through that held you back or even better, pushed you forward… we are all given another year to make it what we want. Life is good, life is a sweet blessing.
Happy New Year, Friends